I am so lucky to have the support of the "hua ren mamas" group on the Chinese app, Weixin.
Since Oli has been confined for jaundice initially on the evening of the 24th of August, just 4 days old, and thereafter held by the doctors, conducting test after test on our poor fragile baby, we had been worried sick on his condition.
The public hospital where he was at allowed calls strictly only within the 2:00-4:00 pm window, and visits were only allowed at the same time; such that, if one were to find out that it is possible to visit our son for that afternoon, a mad rush to the hospital that is about an 45 minutes away from our home would ensue. We were always on call, like doctors, ironically though we were at the mercy of the very people we seemed to be involuntarily emulating, at least at that one aspect. Other rules are as below:
1. Family members can only visit within the 2:00-4:00 visiting hours, and may not enter or hold their baby. They can only stand behind a distance behind the viewing window. Concerned members will be informed the day itself if the baby can be discharged for the day.
2. Mothers or family members may not bring in their own breast milk for their babies. The hospital provides (an unmarked) formula.*
3. During confinement, the doctors will conduct several tests to rule out different possibilities, depending on the condition and situation of the baby.
4. A deposit of 5,000 RMB upon leaving your baby at the hospital's care is necessary.
What initially was simply a planned treatment for jaundice ended up being much more, and costing us more, The doctors conducted several tests including MRI, Ultrasound, electrocardiogram, echo doppler, and so on and so forth, most of which we were informed only very shortly before they were done. We could only trust the doctors that they know what they are doing, even though it hurts to think that they would allow our fragile baby to undergo so many exams. Were they really all that necessary, one cannot help but also doubt the intentions, if all these were merely to cash in on us?
We did not and could not know when our son could be released, it felt more and more as if he was being held there as a hostage, as each day passed and the promised release kept being moved over and over again, and the promised call never seemed to come.
I aired out my grievances and worries in my "hua ren mama" group and there was a verbal propaganda that ensued with suggestions coming from all corners of Shanghai and from moms from different countries who sided with me and were aghast at the deemed unjust holding of our son at the hospital.
Suggestions flew left and right, recommendations to transfer our son to other hospitals, names of recommendations for doctors in order to seek second opinion (the unanimous suggestion was to seek second opinion from other expat hospitals, unfortunately, as we do not own any insurance as of writing, these expat hospitals charge an arm and a leg)
Just feeling all the love, support and energy from women I have never even met has kept me going through these uncertain and difficult times, not knowing when we would ever see our son again (though I knew of course we would for certain get to see him sometime...), the bleak diagnoses, in which we were given spoonfuls of bad news every other day over the phone with the worst possible case scenarios, making us think about the unthinkable...sending us catapulting to the darkest place ever imaginable...
Over the course of several chats with several moms, I learned that doctors in China generally give the worst possible case scenarios in order to not be help liable for if and when these do happen. This is the total opposite approach to what we in other countries and culture are used to, in which doctors generally tend to not give the worst possible scenario unwarranted to family members, in order not to cause them unjust worries and stress! One mom was repeatedly told she had a cyst in her pancreas here in China, but every time she went for a check up in HK she was all clear! I was therefore told to consult expat hospital and find doctors who can explain our son's condition in English and end our worry streak once and for all.
In an answered prayer, we had our son back on my birthday on the 2nd of September, being able to see him, hold him and have him safely back to our home was the best ever birthday present a mom like me could ever have! Moreover, we had the feeling it was like the day we brought him home from our hospital of birth for the first time. I shared the news to the group and the whole group rejoiced at my news! It was the last regular day before a 3-day holiday, so it was especially crazzzyyy there with family members clamoring and rushing to get their little ones out of the hospital, as visiting was not allowed during the holidays... @_@ ?!
Shanghai is special that way... it's the people who make it special <3
* When asked what brand formula was being used, we were angrily told that this formula has been prepared by their nutritionists. We of course, never found out the brand, though I noticed a Nestle sign at the nursery ward reception center...
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
Stealth bombs, moms' stress and effects on the unborn baby
It is possible to experience joy in varying levels with anyone, friends, colleagues, and such. But when it comes to the opposite end of the emotion spectrum, no one can, in my experience, hurt me so much as from someone from my family. I will first explain that of my experience with friends, then with family.
Over the course of many years since I was 7 years old, I have learned the hard way that friends can come and go, and words like "You will be my best friend forever and forever in my whole life", may not be carved in stone. In my case, forever was merely about 4 years wherein I was forgotten and replaced with a new group of friends. This happened exactly 3 times. I have never allowed myself to be emotionally close nor dependent on anyone since then, that is, until I got married last year and can honestly say that I have found my best friend for life.
But I have taken it now with a grain of salt, and have accepted that this has shaped me to become who I am now, and though I look with yearning at friends who gather together with ties that remain strong through the years, there is nothing I can do about it, in my mind, it is better to let things be rather than beg like a poor man.
In the case of blood relations, it can be different. To some extent the expectations you have from your siblings tend to be slightly higher, and yet it is assumed that while respect should always be there, of course, the casual courtesy and words need not be always spoken, needs don't necessarily have to be verbalized. It is assumed that this bond between you that is supposedly thicker than water, would be enough to keep you close no matter the time and distance. This is not always the case though, and when we cannot always depend on our siblings for support, there is a natural and inadvertent "cooling off", though needless to say, the love is still there, at least on my part. As such, words can act like arrows that can shoot straight at the heart, and often this takes a bit more toll on the emotions of the inflicted than that from say, friends.
Allowing oneself to love and be loved makes the heart vulnerable to getting hurt as it is exposed out in the open, with the often mistaken assumption that we will be well taken cared of in our home turf, yet it is often the case that things can turn around just as quickly without a warning and drop a bomb into an otherwise peaceful existence.
Any kind of stress, be it physical or emotional, is never good for the expectant mom and her baby, especially, and it is best to keep a zen-like attitude whenever possible in order to prevent stress on the baby, which may cause pre-term delivery and possibly a host of other health problems after birth. Below is an excerpt from the www.webmd.com on fetal stress:
"Stress is a silent disease," says Dr. Calvin Hobel, director of maternal-fetal medicine at Cedars Sinai and a professor of obstetrics/gynecology and pediatrics at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Typically, one in 10 women delivers pre-term (before 37 weeks). According to studies by Dr. Pathik Wadhwa, assistant professor of behavioral science, obstetrics and gynecology at University of Kentucky College of Medicine: "When the mother is stressed, several biological changes occur, including elevation of stress hormones and increased likelihood of intrauterine infection," Dr. Wadhwa says. "The fetus builds itself permanently to deal with this kind of high-stress environment, and once it's born may be at greater risk for a whole bunch of stress-related pathologies."
Pre-term babies are susceptible to a range of complications later, including low birth weight, chronic lung disease, developmental delays, learning disorders and infant mortality. There is evidence from epidemiological studies and animal research that babies who experience stress in utero are more likely to develop chronic health problems as adults, such as heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Recent studies have likewise suggested that stress in the womb can affect a baby's temperament and neurobehavioral development. Infants whose mothers experienced high levels of stress while pregnant, particularly in the first trimester, show signs of more depression and irritability. In the womb, they also are slower to "habituate" or tune out repeated stimuli -- a skill that, in infants, is an important predictor of IQ.
"Who you are and what you're like when you're pregnant will affect who that baby is," says Janet DiPietro, a developmental psychologist at Johns Hopkins University. "Women's psychological functioning during pregnancy -- their anxiety level, stress, personality -- ultimately affects the temperament of their babies. It has to ... the baby is awash in all the chemicals produced by the mom."
If our unborn baby could talk to stressed-out moms, they would say " Mom, you're stressing me out!" You wouldn't want that to be your baby's first words, would you? Mental note to myself and a message to all moms, relax, and keep a positive attitude for the sake of your unborn child.
Over the course of many years since I was 7 years old, I have learned the hard way that friends can come and go, and words like "You will be my best friend forever and forever in my whole life", may not be carved in stone. In my case, forever was merely about 4 years wherein I was forgotten and replaced with a new group of friends. This happened exactly 3 times. I have never allowed myself to be emotionally close nor dependent on anyone since then, that is, until I got married last year and can honestly say that I have found my best friend for life.
But I have taken it now with a grain of salt, and have accepted that this has shaped me to become who I am now, and though I look with yearning at friends who gather together with ties that remain strong through the years, there is nothing I can do about it, in my mind, it is better to let things be rather than beg like a poor man.
In the case of blood relations, it can be different. To some extent the expectations you have from your siblings tend to be slightly higher, and yet it is assumed that while respect should always be there, of course, the casual courtesy and words need not be always spoken, needs don't necessarily have to be verbalized. It is assumed that this bond between you that is supposedly thicker than water, would be enough to keep you close no matter the time and distance. This is not always the case though, and when we cannot always depend on our siblings for support, there is a natural and inadvertent "cooling off", though needless to say, the love is still there, at least on my part. As such, words can act like arrows that can shoot straight at the heart, and often this takes a bit more toll on the emotions of the inflicted than that from say, friends.
Allowing oneself to love and be loved makes the heart vulnerable to getting hurt as it is exposed out in the open, with the often mistaken assumption that we will be well taken cared of in our home turf, yet it is often the case that things can turn around just as quickly without a warning and drop a bomb into an otherwise peaceful existence.
Any kind of stress, be it physical or emotional, is never good for the expectant mom and her baby, especially, and it is best to keep a zen-like attitude whenever possible in order to prevent stress on the baby, which may cause pre-term delivery and possibly a host of other health problems after birth. Below is an excerpt from the www.webmd.com on fetal stress:
"Stress is a silent disease," says Dr. Calvin Hobel, director of maternal-fetal medicine at Cedars Sinai and a professor of obstetrics/gynecology and pediatrics at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Typically, one in 10 women delivers pre-term (before 37 weeks). According to studies by Dr. Pathik Wadhwa, assistant professor of behavioral science, obstetrics and gynecology at University of Kentucky College of Medicine: "When the mother is stressed, several biological changes occur, including elevation of stress hormones and increased likelihood of intrauterine infection," Dr. Wadhwa says. "The fetus builds itself permanently to deal with this kind of high-stress environment, and once it's born may be at greater risk for a whole bunch of stress-related pathologies."
Pre-term babies are susceptible to a range of complications later, including low birth weight, chronic lung disease, developmental delays, learning disorders and infant mortality. There is evidence from epidemiological studies and animal research that babies who experience stress in utero are more likely to develop chronic health problems as adults, such as heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Recent studies have likewise suggested that stress in the womb can affect a baby's temperament and neurobehavioral development. Infants whose mothers experienced high levels of stress while pregnant, particularly in the first trimester, show signs of more depression and irritability. In the womb, they also are slower to "habituate" or tune out repeated stimuli -- a skill that, in infants, is an important predictor of IQ.
"Who you are and what you're like when you're pregnant will affect who that baby is," says Janet DiPietro, a developmental psychologist at Johns Hopkins University. "Women's psychological functioning during pregnancy -- their anxiety level, stress, personality -- ultimately affects the temperament of their babies. It has to ... the baby is awash in all the chemicals produced by the mom."
If our unborn baby could talk to stressed-out moms, they would say " Mom, you're stressing me out!" You wouldn't want that to be your baby's first words, would you? Mental note to myself and a message to all moms, relax, and keep a positive attitude for the sake of your unborn child.
Hugs to all pregnant moms who are going through the same struggles. <3
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