Hospital woes

I am so lucky to have the support of the "hua ren mamas" group on the Chinese app, Weixin.

Since Oli has been confined for jaundice initially on the evening of the 24th of August, just 4 days old, and thereafter held by the doctors, conducting test after test on our poor fragile baby, we had been worried sick on his condition.

The public hospital where he was at allowed calls strictly only within the 2:00-4:00 pm window, and visits were only allowed at the same time; such that, if one were to find out that it is possible to visit our son for that afternoon, a mad rush to the hospital that is about an 45 minutes away from our home would ensue. We were always on call, like doctors, ironically though we were at the mercy of the very people we seemed to be involuntarily emulating, at least at that one aspect. Other rules are as below:

1. Family members can only visit within the 2:00-4:00 visiting hours, and may not enter or hold their baby. They can only stand behind a distance behind the viewing window. Concerned members will be informed the day itself if the baby can be discharged for the day.

2. Mothers or family members may not bring in their own breast milk for their babies. The hospital provides (an unmarked) formula.*

3. During confinement, the doctors will conduct several tests to rule out different possibilities, depending on the condition and situation of the baby.

4. A deposit of 5,000 RMB upon leaving your baby at the hospital's care is necessary.

What initially was simply a planned treatment for jaundice ended up being much more, and costing us more, The doctors conducted several tests including MRI, Ultrasound, electrocardiogram, echo doppler, and so on and so forth, most of which we were informed only very shortly before they were done. We could only trust the doctors that they know what they are doing, even though it hurts to think that they would allow our fragile baby to undergo so many exams. Were they really all that necessary, one cannot help but also doubt the intentions, if all these were merely to cash in on us?

We did not and could not know when our son could be released, it felt more and more as if he was being held there as a hostage, as each day passed and the promised release kept being moved over and over again, and the promised call never seemed to come.

I aired out my grievances and worries in my "hua ren mama" group and there was a verbal propaganda that ensued with suggestions coming from all corners of Shanghai and from moms from different countries who sided with me and were aghast at the deemed unjust holding of our son at the hospital.

Suggestions flew left and right, recommendations to transfer our son to other hospitals, names of recommendations for doctors in order to seek second opinion (the unanimous suggestion was to seek second opinion from other expat hospitals, unfortunately, as we do not own any insurance as of writing, these expat hospitals charge an arm and a leg)

Just feeling all the love, support and energy from women I have never even met has kept me going through these uncertain and difficult times, not knowing when we would ever see our son again (though I knew of course we would for certain get to see him sometime...), the bleak diagnoses, in which we were given spoonfuls of bad news every other day over the phone with the worst possible case scenarios, making us think about the unthinkable...sending us catapulting to the darkest place ever imaginable...



Over the course of several chats with several moms, I learned that doctors in China generally give the worst possible case scenarios in order to not be help liable for if and when these do happen. This is the total opposite approach to what we in other countries and culture are used to, in which doctors generally tend to not give the worst possible scenario unwarranted to family members, in order not to cause them unjust worries and stress! One mom was repeatedly told she had a cyst in her pancreas here in China, but every time she went for a check up in HK she was all clear! I was therefore told to consult expat hospital and find doctors who can explain our son's condition in English and end our worry streak once and for all.

In an answered prayer, we had our son back on my birthday on the 2nd of September, being able to see him, hold him and have him safely back to our home was the best ever birthday present a mom like me could ever have! Moreover, we had the feeling it was like the day we brought him home from our hospital of birth for the first time. I shared the news to the group and the whole group rejoiced at my news! It was the last regular day before a 3-day holiday, so it was especially crazzzyyy there with family members clamoring and rushing to get their little ones out of the hospital, as visiting was not allowed during the holidays... @_@ ?!

Shanghai is special that way... it's the people who make it special <3


* When asked what brand formula was being used, we were angrily told that this formula has been prepared by their nutritionists. We of course, never found out the brand, though I noticed a Nestle sign at the nursery ward reception center...

Checking in with my next door neighbors

Checked in at the hospital on August 18, prepped for 2 days, prior to the scheduled C-section on August 20. They couldn't and wouldn't confirm with us until the actual day itself if we actually had a room... room booking was only allowed strictly a week before the planned check-in date, such that we went there 8 days before the check-in date, in the afternoon, but they turned us away and asked us to come back the next morning. When they mean a week before, they really mean 7 days. No wonder the Chinese are so good in Math. (8 is definitely not 7, stupid foreigners! I could almost hear their thoughts)

I requested for a shared room with 2 beds, as the private room was preposterously expensive. I would stay for at least a week. It turned out to be an interesting experience.

Worlds apart, while in the same room, in the same hospital, in the same city,  and only actually separated by a thin curtain and nothing more. Two vastly different co-sleepers situated a few meters from my bed.

Neighbor A: The Whiny Cat

Curtains closed, with only the sound of intermittent whining and please for more attention from her obnoxiously loud family of 4 (note that only 2 visitors are allowed each time but they somehow escaped the Chinese hospital SS police), the whiny cat sounds sweet and pretty. Based on her voice she could be a sweet sexy thang (pre- pregnancy and surgery)

Curtains drawn, with the sunlight coming in through the only window in the room, which happens to be on the cat's side, the cat is revealed to be the complete physical opposite of her sweet sexy voice... I am reminded of the saying "Don't judge a woman by her voice" , or more popularly known as, "Don't judge a book by its cover", or something like that.

Decibel level of family members: equivalent to trying to speak up so as to hear the person right next to you at a noisy bar, especially active when neighbor (specifically, I), tries to sleep or rest, along with our newborn son.

Neighbor B: The Independent Supercomputer

5 days later, cat woman has checked out and this other woman checks in...

Curtains closed, the sound of a corporate woman hotshot, talking animatedly on her mobile phone, giving a blow by blow account of her ordeal. Barely 3 hours after her cesarean operation, she recites the exact time and details down to the second decimal place. " Yes, hi how are you? Yes, it went well, I went in at 6:08, the doctor administered anesthesia and it went effect after about 10- 15 minutes, then 20 minutes later I was done. Yes, a baby boy. Thank you! He was born at 6:28 am, weighing 2824.58 grams, that is about (barely pauses for more than 5 seconds) ... 6.23 pounds. Yes, everything is ok, thank you, just resting..." and so she went on for another 10 minutes or so on the phone, seemingly oblivious of the fact that she had just been butchered up on the cutting table an hour or two ago.

I am amazed at how vastly different these two women are.

Gosh, I think to myself. She is better at math under sedatives than I am sober. Sometimes, I wonder if I really have some Chinese blood in me, these math skills would have come handy to impress my next door neighbor anytime.