Since being told yesterday of the hole in Oli's heart, my own heart felt as if it were ripped out of my chest. Ventricular Septal Defect , it is called.
Having a mom who is adamant on the traditional practice of gelai she was thrilled to have "discovered" technology, or rather the practical use of it... having found a recipe for gelai rich foods, one of which is pigeon.
With news of the hole in Oli's heart still fresh, I accidentally uncover a small oval thing under the heap of bones and barely there meat... the pigeon's heart (game pigeons hence the title...) I normally don't get emotional over a dead pigeon, but this time around it was different. I started to think about the pigeon's mommy, and this being her baby, did she feel the same pain I felt when her baby was killed for food? I, being a carnivore predominantly, momentarily swore never to eat meat again... imagine getting emotional over my lunch. But luckily that moment was gone not soon after.
=============================================
Another blow. My brain feels like it wants to explode further.
Doctor Who updated us with the news today that our son might have porencephaly, a result of an MRI scan, my heart felt as if it were ripped out of my chest...again. and, heart still beating, squeezed out of its life.
oli we promise to protect you and raise you the best way we can but please be healthy and strong, all we wish and pray for is that you be able to live a healthy and normal life.
Still fresh from the fatigue and pain of childbirth and surgery, I didn't know how to go on anymore, each terrible news sucking what little life and energy and spirit there is in me...
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Friday, August 28, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
My multi-functional belly bump
"Hun, you gotta stop using your stomach as a table."
My husband's words woke me up to my habit of well, doing exactly that. I have been using my belly bump as my dining table, reading table, nail clippings' temporary repository, an arm rest ... you name it! I especially find it really convenient to place books and food on top. Might as well make my belly bump useful.
Recently, my belly makes for a rather rudimentary but functional entertainment center (changing sides while lying down and seeing how our baby shifts inside, then guessing which part of his body might be jutting out based on the changing protrusions). It mostly feels like there is an alien moving inside of me... sometimes I imagine it to be a baby dinosaur. (You know, like in the movie Jurassic Park. My belly looks exactly like the dinosaur eggs there now.) This kept me entertained for at least a minute before I looked for other, shall we say, modern entertainment options.
"The mysterious nether regions"
What used to be easily visible looks as if it has mysteriously disappeared... I'm referring to the entire area beyond my bump. Suddenly, I need help for even the most basic tasks..such as putting on socks, strapping on my sandals, washing my feet, clipping my toenails, the list goes on. Honestly, I don't even know what color of underwear I have on right now. I had a brief glimpse when I put them on this morning, but that's about it, and my short term memory isn't exactly stellar now with baby Oli eating my brain's battery cells. But no matter, I have a long dressing mirror to help me with that...mirrors are such an amazing invention.
"Three's a crowd"
Last year, we had the pleasure of visiting my aunt Isabel and uncle Alex in Cebu , Philippines. They are both doctors, my aunt is a pediatrician and uncle a renowned kidney and internal organs surgeon from Pennsylvania, currently gone back home to retire. They took us to see a crocodile farm/ zoo nearby, run by another one of my uncle's relatives in Cebu. We had an encounter with the biggest crocodile in the Philippines, said to be over 50 years old and measuring 15 feet in length, said to be the biggest croc in the Philippines and 2nd biggest in the world. More info can be found here: http://www.philstar.com/cebu-lifestyle/2015/02/21/1426064/crocolandia. Here's a photo of the amphibian celebrity:
All this talk about Lapu-lapu has a purpose. My husband has long joked since then that I have him living inside my tummy, as I am often hungry and have a voracious appetite. My stomach growls with a thunderous sound, one that reminds him of the giant croc's growl. Hence, whenever my stomach makes its usual loud sounds, or I eat heartily, we readily attest it to the imaginary croc's presence inside my belly.
Lately, the doctors have found a myoma (non-cancerous cyst) inside me, a phenomenon that affects 60% of women all over the world, nothing to be alarmed about, my doctors reassured me. We have come to accept that it is living side by side with Oli, and to make the situation more amusing we imagine he is using it for his soccer ball practices! Hence, the strong kicks around where it is located.
With Lapu-lapu, the soccer ball, and Oli co-existing in my belly, I wonder if three's a crowd? They certainly do seem to have become good friends during the long 9-month journey. When my husband told me one time, I got to use my abs and give it a work out every now and then, I replied, "What?! You don't think my belly is working hard enough???" Between housing three residents, nourishing and housing our little one, and adding extra functionalities as a table and entertainment center, you'd think my belly might be overworked, don't you?
My husband's words woke me up to my habit of well, doing exactly that. I have been using my belly bump as my dining table, reading table, nail clippings' temporary repository, an arm rest ... you name it! I especially find it really convenient to place books and food on top. Might as well make my belly bump useful.
Recently, my belly makes for a rather rudimentary but functional entertainment center (changing sides while lying down and seeing how our baby shifts inside, then guessing which part of his body might be jutting out based on the changing protrusions). It mostly feels like there is an alien moving inside of me... sometimes I imagine it to be a baby dinosaur. (You know, like in the movie Jurassic Park. My belly looks exactly like the dinosaur eggs there now.) This kept me entertained for at least a minute before I looked for other, shall we say, modern entertainment options.
"The mysterious nether regions"
What used to be easily visible looks as if it has mysteriously disappeared... I'm referring to the entire area beyond my bump. Suddenly, I need help for even the most basic tasks..such as putting on socks, strapping on my sandals, washing my feet, clipping my toenails, the list goes on. Honestly, I don't even know what color of underwear I have on right now. I had a brief glimpse when I put them on this morning, but that's about it, and my short term memory isn't exactly stellar now with baby Oli eating my brain's battery cells. But no matter, I have a long dressing mirror to help me with that...mirrors are such an amazing invention.
"Three's a crowd"
Last year, we had the pleasure of visiting my aunt Isabel and uncle Alex in Cebu , Philippines. They are both doctors, my aunt is a pediatrician and uncle a renowned kidney and internal organs surgeon from Pennsylvania, currently gone back home to retire. They took us to see a crocodile farm/ zoo nearby, run by another one of my uncle's relatives in Cebu. We had an encounter with the biggest crocodile in the Philippines, said to be over 50 years old and measuring 15 feet in length, said to be the biggest croc in the Philippines and 2nd biggest in the world. More info can be found here: http://www.philstar.com/cebu-lifestyle/2015/02/21/1426064/crocolandia. Here's a photo of the amphibian celebrity:
All this talk about Lapu-lapu has a purpose. My husband has long joked since then that I have him living inside my tummy, as I am often hungry and have a voracious appetite. My stomach growls with a thunderous sound, one that reminds him of the giant croc's growl. Hence, whenever my stomach makes its usual loud sounds, or I eat heartily, we readily attest it to the imaginary croc's presence inside my belly.
Lately, the doctors have found a myoma (non-cancerous cyst) inside me, a phenomenon that affects 60% of women all over the world, nothing to be alarmed about, my doctors reassured me. We have come to accept that it is living side by side with Oli, and to make the situation more amusing we imagine he is using it for his soccer ball practices! Hence, the strong kicks around where it is located.
With Lapu-lapu, the soccer ball, and Oli co-existing in my belly, I wonder if three's a crowd? They certainly do seem to have become good friends during the long 9-month journey. When my husband told me one time, I got to use my abs and give it a work out every now and then, I replied, "What?! You don't think my belly is working hard enough???" Between housing three residents, nourishing and housing our little one, and adding extra functionalities as a table and entertainment center, you'd think my belly might be overworked, don't you?
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Becoming a Baby
My husband usually comes home after a hard day's work with the greeting, "Hey, hun...how did your day go?"
On a good (read: slightly less lethargic) day, my thoughts would usually simultaneously race to hundreds of possibilities to make my answer sound more interesting and exciting...
The (everyday) superhero/heroine:
"I saved a cat from bring run over."
The productive intellectual:
" I finally started on the novel I have been planning to write for years, it is showing great promise."
The multilingual expert:
" I have made great progress on my Spanish lessons, having progressed by 2 lessons today."
The perfect wife:
"I cooked 5 dishes for our dinner tonight, did the laundry and ironed your suits, cleaned our apartment, and repaired the living room's broken windows. I can give you a foot massage later."
However, in reality, my answers would revolve around something like this:
The realistic wife:
"It took me an hour to finish my breakfast cereal...but oh, (feeling slightly prouder) I boiled an egg and finished that much sooner!"
His reply: " Good job, hun! Then, what else did you do?"
I try my best to gather my pride and try to make my day sound as productive as I possibly can, with the clever use of punctuation marks and compound sentences:
I add, " I then felt sleepy and slept for an hour to an hour and a half, then had lunch, then slept again for another 2 hours in the afternoon, then had a snack, then watched a TV series online (Usually either the intellectual rampages of Sherlock Holmes or the satirical humor of Family Guy"), had dinner, then tried to start on my blog/ open a book (I got as far as looking at it and bringing it close by my bedside so as to remind me to actually read it) /
Lately, though because of the slowly rising temperature that has signaled the definite arrival of summer in Shanghai, the excitement would reach about this degree:
"I swatted 5 mosquitoes and sent them to meet their ancestors in mosquito heaven"
This is about as exciting as my day gets these days.
Occasionally, my husband and I would visit a flat or two, as we are planning to move and have our own place (or at least not have to share the bathroom), but as luck would have it, rental prices have gone up 35% this year alone... 35%...35! it is, in some places, at par with downtown New York's real estate prices.
After the visit would come the highlight of a hard morning/ afternoon's "work", which is, to replenish our tired bodies (or rather, my husband would correct me if he were beside me reading my entry, MY tired body), with a delightful lunch. It would be either Japanese, Italian, or Chinese. If we had some extra time, we would drop by the import shop to browse, and inevitably, purchase some snacks and milk (imported milk is a staple for expats and a growing number of Chinese people, mainly due to the horrific stories of tainted local milk).
This has led me to realize that, being pregnant allows me to live the same life as a baby, perhaps this is nature's way of preparing the mother-to-be to be in slightly similar shoes as her baby-to be.
Aside from sleeping and eating as often as humanly possible, I am often incapable of doing certain things without the help of my husband, such as, tying my sneakers, scrubbing my toes (basically anything to do with touching my feet), getting up from bed is a struggle--- I basically have to roll over and put a foot down one at a time, thus, at times my husband would help me up by asking me to put my arms around him while he lifts me gently with one hand at my lower back, then steadies himself as I gather my equilibrium back. My husband's coming home with food has never been as joyous an occasion as it is now, especially when I don't have the motivation to walk the 20 minutes it takes me to get to the nearest food place. This is SUCH a huge change from my gung-ho, independent woman attitude with a penchant for multitasking and filling my day's schedule to the brim pre-pregnancy life. These days, I am happy merely to get one thing off my list (if I remember to make one or remember where I have placed it). My memory and motivation to get things done have turned for the worse, it seems.
These two photos sum up how I feel most of these days:
That's right... and if I had a placard on my chest, it would read:
Before a mom gives birth to her baby, she is one herself.
Photo credits: http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-understanding-your-hormones/pinterest.com
On a good (read: slightly less lethargic) day, my thoughts would usually simultaneously race to hundreds of possibilities to make my answer sound more interesting and exciting...
The (everyday) superhero/heroine:
"I saved a cat from bring run over."
The productive intellectual:
" I finally started on the novel I have been planning to write for years, it is showing great promise."
The multilingual expert:
" I have made great progress on my Spanish lessons, having progressed by 2 lessons today."
The perfect wife:
"I cooked 5 dishes for our dinner tonight, did the laundry and ironed your suits, cleaned our apartment, and repaired the living room's broken windows. I can give you a foot massage later."
However, in reality, my answers would revolve around something like this:
The realistic wife:
"It took me an hour to finish my breakfast cereal...but oh, (feeling slightly prouder) I boiled an egg and finished that much sooner!"
His reply: " Good job, hun! Then, what else did you do?"
I try my best to gather my pride and try to make my day sound as productive as I possibly can, with the clever use of punctuation marks and compound sentences:
I add, " I then felt sleepy and slept for an hour to an hour and a half, then had lunch, then slept again for another 2 hours in the afternoon, then had a snack, then watched a TV series online (Usually either the intellectual rampages of Sherlock Holmes or the satirical humor of Family Guy"), had dinner, then tried to start on my blog/ open a book (I got as far as looking at it and bringing it close by my bedside so as to remind me to actually read it) /
Lately, though because of the slowly rising temperature that has signaled the definite arrival of summer in Shanghai, the excitement would reach about this degree:
"I swatted 5 mosquitoes and sent them to meet their ancestors in mosquito heaven"
This is about as exciting as my day gets these days.
Occasionally, my husband and I would visit a flat or two, as we are planning to move and have our own place (or at least not have to share the bathroom), but as luck would have it, rental prices have gone up 35% this year alone... 35%...35! it is, in some places, at par with downtown New York's real estate prices.
After the visit would come the highlight of a hard morning/ afternoon's "work", which is, to replenish our tired bodies (or rather, my husband would correct me if he were beside me reading my entry, MY tired body), with a delightful lunch. It would be either Japanese, Italian, or Chinese. If we had some extra time, we would drop by the import shop to browse, and inevitably, purchase some snacks and milk (imported milk is a staple for expats and a growing number of Chinese people, mainly due to the horrific stories of tainted local milk).
This has led me to realize that, being pregnant allows me to live the same life as a baby, perhaps this is nature's way of preparing the mother-to-be to be in slightly similar shoes as her baby-to be.
Aside from sleeping and eating as often as humanly possible, I am often incapable of doing certain things without the help of my husband, such as, tying my sneakers, scrubbing my toes (basically anything to do with touching my feet), getting up from bed is a struggle--- I basically have to roll over and put a foot down one at a time, thus, at times my husband would help me up by asking me to put my arms around him while he lifts me gently with one hand at my lower back, then steadies himself as I gather my equilibrium back. My husband's coming home with food has never been as joyous an occasion as it is now, especially when I don't have the motivation to walk the 20 minutes it takes me to get to the nearest food place. This is SUCH a huge change from my gung-ho, independent woman attitude with a penchant for multitasking and filling my day's schedule to the brim pre-pregnancy life. These days, I am happy merely to get one thing off my list (if I remember to make one or remember where I have placed it). My memory and motivation to get things done have turned for the worse, it seems.
These two photos sum up how I feel most of these days:
That's right... and if I had a placard on my chest, it would read:
Before a mom gives birth to her baby, she is one herself.
Photo credits: http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-understanding-your-hormones/pinterest.com
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