The New Hormone Excuse

Hormones have always been the most convenient excuse for me for almost everything during my pregnancy. To cite but a few:

- A rabid attack of acne in unusual places? (If there was an acne painter he sure is having fun with my face and back as his canvas!)

- Roller coaster emotions? 

- Feeling (and looking) like a bloated blubber whale? 

- Wanting to sleep 20/7 (an hour each for 3 meals, and an hour to shower)? 

Basically, anything mysterious, or unexplainable, blame it on the hormones. However, recently, as our baby Oliver's growth becomes more obvious, and his movements more discernable, he has become the new "hormone" excuse for a host of things. These outbursts have prompted my husband to label me as becoming more and more "spoiled". I say, it's not me who's spoiled, it's Oli.

- Hungry just after 2 hours of a full meal (after which you swore you couldn't possibly eat another bite), and yet starving and (gently) demanding nourishment after we've unwound and gotten ready for bed? And no ordinary midnight snack will do--(some reheating, slicing, dicing, stacking, mixing required)?  

- Brain farts. Blame it on Oli... he's munching on my brain's battery cells again. 

- Farts. The kind that makes a sound and sometimes brings about olfactory side effects. Whoa! That wasn't me either! That was Oli releasing his tension through my body. Seriously, Oli, what DID you have for breakfast?!?

- Acting like a spoiled brat. Acting like a spoiled brat who's always about to run out of food to eat. Acting like a spoiled brat who's about to run out of food to eat, hence, wanting to demolish anything in the pathway that resembles food, and yet being selective of the best parts (true for fish fillets, lamb chops, chicken and pork cutlets, anything and everything MEAT). An insatiable desire for meat and yoghurt drinks and forbidden sweet drinks. It's not for me, it's for Oli! Save that piece for me, I want that piece, and that too! I don't always finish what my "eyes" order. Ever heard of the phrase, "Eyes bigger than the stomach"? Very true for me pre-pregnancy. Still true now, except not entirely, My stomach is WAY bigger than my eyes. Or any part of my body for that matter. 

You must think I'm a terribly chomp monster. Call me chomp chomp, go ahead, I blame it on Oli. :) 

Backne and the sweetest (not) husband ever

Sometimes, my husband can be quite...blunt.

For example, one of the nasty side effects of my pregnancy is that I have a terrible case of "backne*". I have never had any backne pre-pregnancy, but now they have happily formed little communities and constellations spanning my entire upper back (you'd think that they would at least be considerate enough to grow around my lower back area so as to be more discreet on the occasion that I wear low -back outfits, right???)

I suppose I have to be thankful overall, though, as I never experienced the even nastier side effect of vomiting, nausea or other similar symptoms of pregnancy.

*Backne- My coined word, short for "back acne"

I expressed my gratitude over the fact that my backne was not growing on my face. I then asked,

I: "Hun, if my backne were growing on my face, would you still love me?"

He: "Well, I would perhaps take more time getting to know you better..."

I: "...And if this occurred before we got married, would you still marry me?"

He: "I would find it more difficult to look at your face, and instead focus on your other body parts (looks at my chest)"

He then helpfully added, " if your backne would converge in a much smaller area such as your face, your face would then be a big boil..." (winces)

In times like these, I really feel 100% sure that I married the right man...