Pre "D-Day" explosions and contractions

Only 5 more days to go before D-Day and I am forcing myself to relax by distracting myself with house chores. Not entirely sure whether this is a good idea or not, but sitting around just thinking about the Big Day isn't my idea of preparing for Oli's coming.

Men are probably the worst people to ask about signs and symptoms related to birthing.
A photographer friend of mine, also based in Shanghai, told me a very interesting story of how his French wife thought that she had contractions, so they rushed to the hospital late in the evening. Upon arrival at the hospital, the staff gave her a quick check-up, and determined that she was just having an active imagination (rather than being in active labor). She suffered throughout the entire evening having labor contractions, until she couldn't bear the pain any longer and they returned to their local hospital, at which they promptly reported that she has been dilated 10 cm , and within the next hour, was able to give birth naturally to their first son without any medication or further intervention. After this rather interesting story, I asked my (male) friend what the contractions were like, as he sounded like he knew the story and all its details like the back of his hand (as he well should, being the lucky father of their cute son).

Me: ( Looking worried): "What were the contractions like?" 
Friend: (Having barely a moment to catch his breath after the marathon storytelling): "Contractions...well you know how they are like... Contractions!"
Me: (Trying to be polite and trying best to refocus on the emotions of the ordeal they have gone through a year ago): "Ohhh! Yes, of course! I get it! I see..." 

(Awkward silence ensued)

I've been told that contractions feel like "you want to poo". Just the other evening, while watching old reruns of Harry Potter with my husband and mom, I felt this "urge to poo", and a slight wave of panic ensued, sending a ripple effect across the other 2 audience members of the now- not- so interesting HP rerun movie. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "OMG, I think I'm feeling contractions...!"
Husband: "What is it, how do you feel?" ( sounding as if he studied medicine for many years)
Mom: "It's supposed to feel like you want to poo, well do you??"
Me: " I think so... !"
A few moments later...

Ppprrrrrttttt.........! ( a naturally occurring biological gas explosion heard until the next room)

Me: "Oh, it's gone. It was just Oli's gas passing through me..."

Oli is such a convenient excuse :p